Open Letter

You can continue to fight me, but I will not go away.  My daughter means far more to me than me walking away.   I will continue to fight though the court system to see my daughter.  Right now it’s not much of a battle with her being placed in my care while CPS and the Juvenile Court follow their court case with you.    It still doesn’t change the fact that your quest to hurt me, to alienate me from my daughter has brought you to this point.  You think you are hurting me, no you are hurting OUR daughter.

 

I could take this time to go off on tangents about everything that went wrong but I won’t.   It doesn’t matter anymore.   You’d refuse to take responsibility for anything anyway.   See that is where you and I differ.  I know I could have done things differently, I know I have fault in what was our relationship, you refuse to take any and as an adult that is your right.

 

While I do have fault in our relationship, I find it humorous that you continue to try and drag my name through the mud.   The accusations of physical abuse make me chuckle.  No it was you that were physically abusive.  It was you that was unfaithful and it was you that talked to a man on that night, on Mother’s day, when we were heading up north so I could see my mother one last time before she passed.  Making jokes about having to go north to say goodbye to my mother.

 

All that being said, I don’t hate you.  I don’t want you dead or harmed in anyway.  I don’t even want you kept away from OUR daughter.  It wouldn’t be fair to OUR daughter.   You see this is where you and I will differ.   Sure you brought an Alcoholic with violence tendencies into your child’s life and you even went onto marry that man.   I still don’t want you not to see OUR daughter.  You are her mother and she deserves to have her mother in her life, just like she deserves to have her father in her life.

 

You can continue to spread your lies about My Fiancée and I telling OUR daughter that you’re a whore.  I don’t talk to you about her.   My opinion of you doesn’t need to be given to her.  Now in the beginning when she asked about what was going on.  I told her the same thing I told her when you went to County jail for Animal Cruelty.  That mommy has things she has to get taken care of and when that’s all done, we’ll see how things unfold.

 

Do you know how many times I’ve had to tell her it’s ok to see mommy on days of visitation?   Do you know how I tell her that she should want to see mommy?  No you want to spread lies and tell people that I keep your daughter from you.  I have never once refused a visitation.  No that would be you that has canceled at the last minute, have made it crystal clear to everything that the only time you’re going to do visitation is on Wednesdays at 4:00 pm.    You’re showing that you don’t care about your children because now they have to be removed from school early on Wednesdays so they can visit with you.   Could you be anymore selfish?

 

Like I said, you’re not hurting me in any of this.  Oh and I heard the rumor.  You’re going to take the kids and move to Washington when you get them back before a Custody battle can happen?  In our Temporary Order it states that you can’t move more than 100 miles from our daughter’s residence.   Go ahead and move, but realize that we will press charges and once you start moving children across state lines that becomes a FEDERAL offense.   I also find it hard to believe any man would just up and move to another state and abandon his child and that is exactly what your husband would be doing.

I’m broken

heart

I am broken

I have been broken so many times that I have lost count.

People will never understand that pain I have let others put me through and these same people wonder why I worry.

I worry because I expect things to fall apart, I’m not even sure if I have ever been really loved. I do know that I have been used and abused and tossed to the side with no remorse or care about my feelings.

It’s so hard to let others get in close because of the choices of the others, but when I let you in I fall in love hard and fast and maybe that is my own problem and not yours.

I have been told by some that they love me. I have been told by some that they will never hurt me and they will be mine forever, only to some of these people destroy me.

It is not always the people I am relationships with. I realize I have my flaws and I’m not for everyone.

Some days I just want to take my heart out of my chest and throw it as far away from me as I can, anything to stop the pain that goes on in it and to stop the constant doubting that goes on in my head.

Maybe I’m better off alone, so I don’t hurt others? Maybe I need to save the world from me. Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy or maybe I just bring people down and hurt them.

Thank you for reading.

The beginning of the end?

 

 

chaosstar

 

Hello Blogger fans,

 

It’s been awhile and it hasn’t been all that great.   My life is all screwed up at this time and there’s not really much I can do to fix it.

My crazy psycho ex has gone off the deep end and has some how managed to get Wayne County to grant her a PPO on me.   She’s going around telling her new man and anyone that will listen that I raped her and the next night I put her in the hospital.   Well in 4 days I get my time to defend myself and hopefully get this thing done and over with.  I’m just scared because I know the person she is and I know she will pull out any stop to make herself look better.

I also have found someone I am greatly in love with and I’m very excited to have her in my life.  She has done more for me than anyone and I mean anyone has done in a long time.   She’s the sweetest female I have ever met and I love her deeply, I’m just curious that we are on different pages right now.  My life is so twisted and she still stands by my side and encourages me and I’m not sure if I could make it without her by my side.

She’s standing with a man that is not only homeless man but a man without a car.   This woman needs to be Sainted if you believe in that stuff.  She has helped me out more than she will ever know and has kept me on a good path more than she will ever know.  She has been not only my rock but has lifted me up higher than anyone has ever that isn’t family.

I’m worried that eventually she’s going to grow tired of it all and just wash her hands and honestly I wouldn’t blame her.   I am very thankful for her and my friend Rob, He’s has given me a place to stay and has been a ear to bend about things.  I truly am blessed to have both of them in my life and they will never know how great they have been to me the last few weeks.

My no car situation is about to be over.  Looks like I am getting a 99 Dodge Intrepid.  My brother is selling me my ex wife’s old car.  Yes I know ironic ain’t it?   My other brother did some work on the car and got it functioning and I thank them both as well as my family for all they have done.  I’m ready to get some wheels and hopefully find a place.  Then I’m going to find a new job.

I wish I could say my life is looking up but it’s not.  I’m full of fear and doubt and I don’t know how to handle it.  Maybe time, maybe not.  Maybe I need to grab myself by the collar and shake some sense into myself.  While I am in love, I have some fears and doubts and maybe I’ll share those with the cyberverse in the future, or maybe I’ll start putting up my walls again and keep those fears to myself.

Well blogger fans, that is all I got for you tonight.   Maybe I’ll blog again tomorrow or maybe I won’t.  Who knows.

 

Movie Review 13/13/13

MV5BMjM2MTY1ODc5MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTg3ODc0MDE@._V1_SY317_CR28,0,214,317_AL_Literally 10 minutes into this movie, I wanted to turn it off, but I was with others, so I couldn’t just up and turn it off, so I had to suffer though this.  there were times while watching that I wanted to poke my eyes out with a stick.

 

Starring:  Trae IrelandErin CokerJody Barton

Written and Directed by James Cullen Bressack

Summary:

For millennia, calendars have added an extra day every four years. In doing so, they violated the ancient Mayan calendar. Now we are in the 13th month of the 13th year of the new millennium, and the few who survive will battle a world of demons.

As great as the plot summary sounds, it’s total Bull.  There are no demons,  Every person that wasn’t born on February 29th goes insane.  The reason they go insane, is because adding a day every 4 years throws off the Mayan Calendar.  I guess I can wrap my head around that, if I try really hard.   The problem is everyone goes insane but at different levels, so go in and out of insanity and this is never explained.

The movie gets 1 star out of 4 from me.  The story line was to far fetched, the acting was horrid.  It just wasn’t that good.

Review: WWE Payback

paybackGrowing up I was a huge wrestling fan.  I was a bigger NWA (WCW) guy than I was a WWE fan.   I haven’t really followed wrestling that much lately, but I do stop when I’m flipping through the channels from time to time.  I was able to view the WWE pay per view, Payback last night and I figured I’d give those that view this my feedback on the PPV.

 

Match #1

United States Championship Match

Sheamus (c) vs. Cesaro

Paul Heyman took his parting shot at CM Punk to start the match, informing the crowd that Punk was in attendance at the hockey game down the street before introducing Cesaro.

Sheamus looked bad in the match and Cesaro showed why he should be thrust into a bigger role in the company.

Cesaro pretty much controlled the match and even showed his strength when Sheamus blew his superplex spot.

I would have liked to see Cesaro take the Championship, but I understand that the WWE probably has a bigger role in his future.

I gave the match a Solid C

 

Match #2

Ryback and Curtis Axel vs. Cody Rhodes and Goldust

The match was clunky and seemed off for some reason to me.  I would have rather seen this spot filled with a Uso vs. Wyatt Family match.    Ryback and Curtis Axel won and Cody Rhodes told his brother that he deserved a better partner.   Kind of a yawner in my opinion.

I give it a F.

 

Match #3

Rusev vs. Big E

Typical WWE match.  Let’s put two behemoths in the ring and see what they can do.  The match was slow and tedious but Big E did hit a nice spot, spearing Rusev off the apron.

Like I said I don’t follow wrestling that closely so I don’t know the background on Rusev, but he won

I give the match a C+

 

Match # 4

Bo Dallas vs. Kofi Kingston

Bray Wyatt’s little brother has got the mic skills but I would have loved to seen what this guy has as far a in ring ability.   Kane came out right after the introductions and Bo high tailed it out of the ring, Kofi decided to stay in and fight him.  Bad choice, Kane manhandled the high flyer and ended his night with a tombstone.

After the carnage, Bo entered the ring and told Kofi he would be alright all he had to do is Bolieve.

I give the spot a B

(yes a non match was better than first 3 matches on the card)

 

Match #5

Intercontinental Championship Match

Bad News Barrett(c) vs. Rob Van Dam

Again, Haven’t been following this story line.  Last I saw RVD was in a match with Cesaro and Jack Swagger, so not sure what the story line between Barrett and RVD is.   The match had it’s typical RVD spots and Barrett performed decently, but the match was SLOW at times.  RVD went for his Five Star Frog Splash and missed.   Barrett went smashed his elbow on the ring post when he went for the Bull Hammer, but was able to connect with it later to retain the Intercontinental Championship.

I give the match a C+

 

Next Spot was the anticipated Stephanie McMahon/Daniel Byran confrontation.

Not sure what Daniel Bryan injury is or how he got it.  But it was nice to see the WWE Champion on the PPV.  Stephanie’s  shot at CM Punk was quite humorous.  Telling Daniel, They want you to quit just like CM Punk did.  Did anyone really think Bryan was going to surrender the title?   I saw the Bree quitting coming from a mile away.  The slap was unexpected and I thought Stephanie sold it well.

I give the spot a B-

 

Match #6

Last Man Standing match

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena

This is the match that stole the show,  Bray Wyatt’s mic skills are pretty awesome and his in ring ability is great.  For someone portraying himself as the necessary evil, the guy got a good pop from the crowd.  Cena to me is over pushed but some fans still like him.   Even with the distractions of the Uso’s and Wyatt Family, it didn’t take from the match.  Wyatt dancing with an incapacitated Cena was epic, even better was Wyatt standing on the steps in the ring and leading the crowd like a conductor in the singing of he’s got the whole world in his hand.

The Luke Harper superplex through a table on the outside ring was just a sick bump, Cena tossing the steps from the ring into Wyatt’s face was another high spot.  I hope this match helps to put the Wyatt Family in a match with the Uso’s.

Cena won the match after Attitude Adjusting Wyatt through a crate and then pushing a storage type locker on top of the crate to keep Wyatt down for the 10 count

I give the match an  A+

Match #7

Diva Championship match

Paige(c) vs. Alicia Fox

Ah the filler match.   It was just what it was..Filler.   In my opinion Paige is to green and Alicia Fox just doesn’t have the skill set to be champion.  Sad they took the belt off AJ.

I give the match a E

Main Event match

Evolution vs. Shield
(No holds Barred, Elimination match)

I thought the match was very well played.  The only thing I would have done differently was the match felt rushed at the end.  Shield not losing a member was unexpected.  I’m sure Triple H will be looking redemption on Raw.  Lots of action and it cemented the Shield as  a solid group.

I give match a A

Payback started off like a dud, but picked up as it went on and finished pretty strongly.

 

 

 

 

Spider-Man2

I finally got the time to sit down and watch The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Now I’m a big fan of super hero movies. I thought Avengers was a great movie, the Iron Man Trilogy was pretty decent and I enjoyed the 3 latest Batman movies. I have always been a big Spidey guy, growing up he was one of my favorites.

While I won’t say The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was horrible, it was just OK to me.